The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Law Maker Law Maker Make Me A Law
14:34 Jan 29 2011
Times Read: 717








Have you heard about the latest Bill that’s about to be made into law? “Distracted Walking”! No…really…this isn’t a joke…really…it’s true…”Distracted Walking”! If one crosses a street talking on a cell phone or listening to an Ipod…or…something like an Ipod…it will be a $20 fine.



“A $20 fine isn’t so bad Mr. Tu.”…I hear you say…and I say in return…what the fuck is wrong with you?!



The “Seatbelt Law” got poopooed into being just this way! “Oh don’t worry free citizens of America…it’s only a $25 fine and Johnny Law can not pull you over for it.”. By the time my 13th violation came around the fine was $125 and they could pull you over for it!



The Regime has this neat little trick…make a little teeny weeny mostly inoffensive freedom sucking frivolous law…then…once it’s on the books…CHANGE IT! BANG THEM OVER THEIR PIN HEADS WITH IT! See…once a law is conjured into being…you’re fucked! The Regime can change it anyway they wish.



Jesus…”Distracted Walking”…*points to head*…think about that. How is talking to one’s shopping companion any different from talking on a cell phone? Minding a child as one crosses a street? Waving to a friend that may be on the other side? How is listening to an Ipod…or…something like an Ipod any different from a song you may hear in your mind? Listening to someone’s car stereo through an open window? Listening to piped out Christmas music from stores? “Distracted Walking”?! Are you fucking kidding me?!!



I knew it would be just a matter of time after “Distracted Driving” came into being…but…WOW…not this soon! I guess The Regime knows it’s days are numbered and are in an all out dash to take away as much freedom as is possible!



Just a few things more…you do realize Johnny Law has quotas? Big Johnny Law makes sure Little Johnny Law issues X number of citations over a determined period of time…I’m not positive…but…perhaps quarterly. Little Johnny Law will be expected to issue X Distracted Driving citations AND X Distracted Walking citations…expected to! Quotas! “ED GODDAMNIT…WHY HAVE YOU ONLY ISSUED 10 OUT OF A 100 DISTRACTED WALKING CITATIONS THIS PERIOD?!”…Ed’s going to be in big trouble and Ed won’t want to be in big trouble…so…he WILL meet that quota…anyway he can...”I’m sorry Mam…I saw you scratching your ass as you walked across the street and that’s Distracted Walking…here’s your ticket.”…yeah…go ahead and laugh.



Look…here’s the truth…the State and Federal Governments are in it up to their eyeballs…deficits that literally stagger the imagination and they have to get more cash somehow. The only way they can do that…is…to TAKE it from “We The People”…hence…new money making “Laws”. And the horror of this Huge Leach Monster called Government is it doesn’t think itself big enough…that’s insane. I think it’s time to bring back a 40 year old Leftist saying…”Burn Baby Burn”.



Now lastly…if you can’t walk across a street safely…even listening to an Ipod…or…something like an Ipod…or…talking on a cell phone…if you don’t know to “Look Both Ways” first…well…you’re an idiot. Oh ho ho hoooo…wait a minute…I have been granted the authority to make that determination…you’re an idiot and it’s called “Thinning The Herd”.

Michael Gets Tickled By God
19:27 Jan 27 2011
Times Read: 729








Michael…”Stop ticklin’ me God! God…~ha ha ha he he ha~… stop ticklin’ me! Mr. Tu?! Make God stop ticklin’ me!”



Mr. Tu…”…*rolls eyes*…God is not tickling you Michael.”



Michael…’Yes he is! Ah ha ha ha hee…stah…stah…stop it God! Oh ho ho he he whuuu ha ha ha!”



Mr. Tu…”…*folds paper and sets it in his lap*…Alright…Michael…how is God tickling you?”



Michael…”He’s ticklin’ me with Liberals Mr. Tu! Ahhhh ha ha he he he STOOOOP GOD…I’m going to pee my pants!”



Mr. Tu…”Liberals?!”



Michael…”Yeah! Right now…heeee he he he…He’s ticklin me with Nancy Peeeeelosi…she’s not a hot shot Speaker…ha ha haaaaa…anymore…he he heeee…doesn’t have her fancy schmancy private jet wasting tax payers….whuuuuu ha ha haaaa…money…ho ho he he ho…anymore…HA HA HAAAAA…and no one’s sticking a camera in her puss…OMG Ha haHAAAA…anymore! STOP IT GOD! STOP IT!” He says her 15 minutes of…WHUuUuu ha he ha…fame…ho ho hoooo…is over…and…HEEEE He hee…He’s going to send her…ha ha HAAAAAA…straight to Hell! Ha ha haaaaaa!”



Mr. Tu…”…*smirks*…Why…that is an amusing thought.”



Michael…”I’M GOING TO PEE MY PANTS! I’M GOING TO PEE MY PANTS MR. TU! HA HA HAAAAA HE HE HE…MAKE GOD STOP! MAKE HIM STAH…STAH…STOP!”



Mr. Tu…”What an imagination you have…Michael.”



Michael…”OHHHHHHHHH He’s ticklin’ me with Obama’s…YeeEEeeee he heeeee hEEEE…hair…OooOOoo…that’s a little scratchy…OOOOoo Ho ho hoooo…first it’s dark…ha ha ha…then it’s Grey…he he he…then it’s dark again…HA HA HEEEEE…then back to Grey…he he ha ha heee…God says…HA haHaaa…it costs $5,000 every time…HA HA HAAA…he changes…STOOOOOOP HE HA HA…it! God says he’s going to…WHUuuUU Hoo hoo hooo…send him along…HA HahHAhaaaa…with Peeeeelosi…HEEEEE HE heeEEE HEY! That’s a black man with a white woman Mr. Tu!”



Mr. Tu…”Well…Michael…I suppose even GOD…has to keep up with the times.”



Michael…”I’M PEEING MY PANTS! AH HA HA HAAAAA…I’M PEEING MY PANTS! GOD IS MAKING ME…HAhahahahHAAAAAAA…PEE MY PANTS!”



Mr. Tu…”Liberals are an amusing bunch…that is for sure…please do cover your wetting with that balloon Michael.”



Michael…”AhhhhHHH HA HA HA…IT’S SOOOOO WAAAARM! IT’S SOOOO WARM! OH NOOOOO! HELP MR. TU! HEEEE HE HE HELP ME! GOD’S GOING TO TICKLE ME WITH BAWNY FWANK…AHHHHH HA HA HEEEE!



Mr. Tu…”MICHAEL! DO NOT LET GOD TICKLE YOU WITH BARNY FRANK! RUN YOU LITTLE RETARD…RUN!!”



Michael…”WHUUUUUU HU HU HAAAAaaahahhaaaa HEEE HEEeeEHEEEEEE…*runs*…”.

Loveniks
21:50 Jan 26 2011
Times Read: 749








Ah the “Loveniks”…they’re here…I see their comments all the time. Their message? Love will solve every issue and problem in the world! Love…just love.



I will admit freely…unabashedly…this irritates the living shit out of me! Why? Why should their message of love make me angry? What is it about their 60s screw in the mud flowers in their yellow submarine hair that has the same effect on me…that a red flag does on a bull?



I have thought long and hard on this. Is my soul simply damaged? Well…yeah…of course it is…but…that’s not it. I mean…I can love…it’s just not something I generously spread around like Loveniks think I should. So…what is it? I’ll tell you.



It’s a sham…a cloak they wrap themselves in to project to everyone what perfect little people they are. You see the 60s Loveniks in power now…they used to put flowers in the barrels of guns…now they write books and produce movies on assassinating Presidents…call their fellow Americans “T-Baggers”…laugh and ridicule anyone that doesn’t “Love” as they do…yeah…love. That’s what their message of love is…be like me…no thank you.



If you really think about this concept of love solving the worlds problems…I mean really think about it…you’ll find that it may very well be the problem. They love their God Allah…truly…I have no doubt they do…and…just as you Loveniks…they believe the world should love as they do. They love Allah so much they will do his will and kill you and I…out of love…to make an entire world of their love. We may think it pretty heinous…but hey kids…love is love.



Presbyterians love differently from Lutherans who love differently from Catholics who love differently from Jews who love differently from the Chinese who love differently from the Swedish who love differently from Muslims who love differently from Buddhists who love differently from crackheads…”Crackheads Mr. Tu?”…yeah sure…crackheads love crack and will do damn near anything to keep that love coming…even kill. Everybody loves something!



So you see…Loveniks…the world is brimming with love and has been since the dawn of time…how much peace has it brought? Love is an extreme…as is Hate…and it’s a very small step between them. You want world peace? Really? Well then start promoting indifference.



“Eh…those crazy infidels…eh.”

Heaven On Earth
20:11 Jan 25 2011
Times Read: 777






One thing that has always amazed me when I’ve spoken with people around the country…even around the world…is the fact that many have never heard of a “Shredded Chicken Sandwich”…known from this point on in this entry as a “SCS”.



Never heard of…let alone eaten a SCS?! It boggles the mind! THEY’RE DELICIOUS! BEYOND DELICIOUS! Once when high I ate a cool dozen! They’re Christmas for your mouth! In my world they’re a MUST for Christmas Eve!



Roots SCS…plain original potato chips…sweet baby gerkins…bake beans smothered in brown sugar and ketchup…that’s Heinz ketchup…and perhaps pepper jack cheese nibbles…that’s Christmas Eve…baby. Why? Why didn’t I think of this for my Christmas entries?!



SCS are great anytime…it doesn’t have to be Christmas Eve and since so many of you have never had the pleasure of a SCS…I now give you the opportunity.



Roots Poultry WILL mail you their product ice packed…and at their web site…http://www.rootspoultry.com/…you can look over all the items they have to offer. You can even call Toll Free!



Preparation is a…*snaps fingers*…snap! Heat in a skillet…that’s a frying pan…the contents of your container of shredded chicken…add Cream of Chicken soup…careful…too much will make said shredded chicken soupy and bun un-friendly…add frugally until desired consistency is achieved. Heat to gobbling temperature…slam the contents into a bun…add your condiments and PRESTO…Heaven in your mouth!



No no no…I’m doing this out of the kindness of my heart…Roots offers me nothing…I just feel no one should go through life without the joy of eating a SCS!



Oh…and…you should really have a comfortable…pillow packed…area to fall into when you slip into your SCS coma. I’m going to eat a few right now! Oh F*CKING YUM! ZZZZzzzZZzzzzzzz.

Mr. Cupid
23:39 Jan 18 2011
Times Read: 808








“I slowly pulled back…my bows aim steady and true…my unsuspecting targets totally unaware of what was about to happen to their worlds…I let my arrow fly…”



When I walked into Walmart yesterday I was stunned! OMG! Is it Valentine’s Day? It must be! Look at all the Valentine’s Day consumer items…hearts and bows and cards and stuffed animals and high priced chocolate nibbles! There were “I love you” and ”Be Mine”…coupled with cute little candy hearts that people were tossing in the air…everywhere! Walmart had been transformed into a festival of love! And the red! OMG! All the red! It almost burned my retinas out! I have no special one to buy for…so…it was all useless to me…*sighs*…it’s bad enough looking at ~The Greatest Gift In The World~ everyday let alone adding to it!



Ah Valentine’s Day…Cupid…I played Cupid once…hence the start of this entry. One time…one time in my life…I played Cupid and hooked up two crazy kids. Two star crossed lovers…their destinies became linked by yours truly…yes…by me.



At one point in my younger years…before DUIs became so serious…I mean…it used to be…“Are you going straight home?”…”Yes sir officer!”…”On your way then you little brigand.”…now they just destroy your life…I’m getting off track.



At one point I used to run around many different cities and carouse with various circles of acquaintances in said cities partying establishments…Mr Tu social butterfly…I know…it doesn’t sound right. Anyway…Scott I knew from one city and Theresa I knew from another and after a time the Cupid in me knew…KNEW…these two were meant to be together. So…after a week or two of cajoling I finally convinced Theresa she should give me her telephone number for me…Mr. Cupid…to give to Scott…yes…this was before cell phones and texting…hell…it might have been before computers!



I’ll make a long story short…Scott and Theresa have been happily married for over 25 years and have two lovely children. Mr. Tu is batting 100 in the Cupid ballpark!



What’s the moral of this little tale you ask? It is simply this…if Mr. Tu says you should be banging someone…you should be!

Last Chance Crazies
05:28 Jan 16 2011
Times Read: 848








With December 22nd 2012 looming…you know…the “New” end of the world…as ridiculous as it sounds…again…I thought I’d do a little investigating…instead of making facts up…which I love to do. I wanted to know…I wanted to offer a solid factual count of how many times “The End of The World” has been predicted…and I might add…failed…after all…we are still here.





Well…WOWZER…I found a virtual cavalcade of dates and reasons! There were hundreds and hundreds of times the world was supposed to end…and I might add…they were all pretty damn sure. The pious seem to want the world to end the most…I don’t know why…I speculate that it must be an ego thing…a “We can’t be wrong” thing…a “We know more than you”…thing. And as we know…they do all have a direct line to the All Mighty…so…who would know better about the end of the world?





In any event…there were just TOO many to list them all here…BUT…I have included in this post my favorites…well…the favorites I found before the shear quantity rendered me unconscious…the world did end for me then…for about a half hour. The first offering is my absolute favorite…it’s simple…it’s clean…it’s short and to the point and if you can’t trust a Meteorologist…who can you trust?!







1919: Meteorologist Albert Porta predicted that the conjunction of 6 planets would generate a magnetic current that would cause the sun to explode and engulf the earth on DEC-17.



The Watchtower Society selected 1975 as its next main prediction. This was based on the estimate "according to reliable Bible chronology Adam was created in the year 4026 BCE, likely in the autumn of the year, at the end of the sixth day of creation.". They believed that the year 1975 a promising date for the end of the world, as it was the 6,000th anniversary of Adam's creation. Exactly 1,000 years was to pass for each day of the creation week. This prophecy also failed.



1881: Mother Shipton, (1488 - 1561), a 16th century mystic predicted the end of the world: "...The world to an end shall come; in eighteen hundred and eighty-one."



1843-MAR-21: William Miller, founder of the Millerite movement, predicted that Jesus would come on this date. A very large number of Christians accepted his prophecy.



1736: British theologian and mathematician William Whitson predicted a great flood similar to Noah's for OCT-13 of this year.



1689: Benjamin Keach, a 17th century Baptist, predicted the end of the world for this year.



1179: John of Toledo predicted the end of the world during 1186. This estimate was based on the alignment of many planets. (Apparently Meteorologist Albert Porta overlooked this one.)



1005-1006: A terrible famine throughout Europe was seen as a sign of the nearness of the end.



375 to 400 CE: Saint Martin of Tours, a student of Hilary, was convinced that the end would happen sometime before 400 CE.



1669: The Old Believers in Russia believed that the end of the world would occur in this year. 20 thousand burned themselves to death between 1669 and 1690 to protect themselves from the Antichrist.



Again…WOWZER…I bet those 20 thousand feel pretty foolish now!





Alright…it’s the 4th quarter…2 minutes to go…the ballgame is on the line…December 22nd…2012! Never mind this is all based on a stone tablet that could be interpreted a billion different ways created by a people that wiped their butts with their hand and thought a Galleon was a U.F.O. (Unidentified Floating Object). Never mind all that…THIS IS IT… THE END OF THE WORLD…solid judgement kids…this is your last chance crazies.

Major Tu
21:51 Jan 14 2011
Times Read: 886








“Major Tu to ground control…over.”…~kkkkkkkk~…“Major Tu to ground control…over.”…~kkkkkkk~…”Helloooooooooo.”…~kkkkkkkkkk~…”I’m running out of Snickers here…over.”…~kkkkkkkkkkkk~…”HEY!”…~kkkkk~...”Sorry…over.”…~kkkkkkkk~…”(sings) If I fell in love with you…would you promise to be true…and help me understand…cause I fell in love before…and I found that love was more…than just holding hands…over”…~kkkkkkkk~…”Major…fucking…Tu…to…ground…con…trol…OVER!”…~kkkkkkkkkkkkk~…”Is there anyone there…over.”…~kkkkkkkkkkkkkkk~



Ah…the vastness of space…those unimaginable distances…the crushing loneliness. I think I read somewhere…and know I am retrieving this information from deep memory…that it would take 2 ½ years for a human to travel to Mars via rocketship…2 ½ years. So…that would be a 6 year round trip.



“6 year round trip Major Tu? 2 ½ plus 2 ½ equals 5…not…6!”



Well that’s true…but…you have to figure one’s going to dick around on Mars for at least a year…you know…collect rocks and dirt…run a few experiments…take a few photographs…that sort of thing. Besides…one just spent 2 ½ years getting there…one’s not going to just turn around and jet right back! 6 years of one’s life…traveling alone in the great void of space. Now wait a minute…no…that’s not interstellar space…one needs to leave our solar system to enter interstellar space and we are just going to Mars…so…if deep memory serves… we’re traveling in interplanetary space…just wanted to make that clear. But STILL…even in interplanetary travel…6 years is a long time! All alone…hurtling towards Mars and then back…after a year on Mars itself…let’s not forget that.



“Could you do it Major Tu? Huh? Could you? Spend 6 years traveling to Mars all alone in a rocketship?!”



I’m thinking…fuck yeah! 6 years? That’s a…*yawns*…yawn. All I would need was the inside of my rocketship to look exactly like my apartment! That could be done! Just like my apartment! Let’s compare my real apartment living to my rocketship apartment living…shall we?



I wake up (rocketship apartment the same)...I grab a Pepsi and a smoke (rocketship apartment the same)...I get online (rocketship apartment the same)...women on dating sites reject me because I’m too far away among other reasons (rocketship apartment the same)...I make lunch (rocketship apartment the same)...I write something…or…record a vampire song (rocketship apartment the same)... I go to work…whoaaaaa…now there’s a bonus…I wouldn’t have to go to work in my rocketship apartment…PERK…I masturbate then go to sleep (rocketship apartment the same). See? Do you see?! I almost wouldn’t know the difference!



If I take along a 6 year supply of Jerry Springer…Maury…Two And A Half Men…Dexter…Tosh.O and my vampire flick-a-roos? I’m good to go! Alright…I concede…I may need to take along my Anne Rice and Steven King novel collections…HEY…WAIT A MINUTE…if my rocketship apartment is exactly like my real apartment…*ponders*…I already have all this stuff! Never mind.



N.A.S.A?! Major Tu at your service! I can do it! I’ll make that 6 year round trip to Mars! NO PROBLEM! I WON’T CRACK UP UNDER THE PRESSURE! I’M YOUR MAN! Hell…I could have made the trip TWICE to date! SIGN ME UP! I’LL GO!



It’s not like I have something better to do.

The Illusion of Identity
00:01 Jan 13 2011
Times Read: 914






I recently read an entry about losing one’s identity and the entrant…being female…suggested that this was a female phenomenon. Through marriage and parenthood a woman loses her singular original identity and becomes merely ‘Yogi’s wife’…or…’BooBoo’s mommy’.



I’ve contemplated with great care concerning this matter and I reject out of hand that this is a gender driven issue…because…you see…I can clearly remember being referred to as ‘BlehBleh’s husband’ and ‘BlahBlahs boyfriend’…”OOOoohhhh…you’re BlahBlah’s boyfriend…I’ve heard about you…”…rolling their eyes at my long hair…not wearing sweaters over my shirts…no cute little animal emblems…bunch of pricks…I didn’t own a Jesus bracelet…Jesus…but I digress.



Losing one’s identity. I had to get to the bottom of this little crisis…I had to once again unravel an intricately woven dogma of our society and expose it’s vicious underbelly…expose the truth! And after fueling my massive simian brain with a Snickers…”Help us Mr. Tu…HELP US!”…I have done just that.



To begin with…you never had a singular original identity. You were always someone’s ‘daughter or son’…you were always someone’s ‘baby’…”Ohhhh you’re Mary and God’s son.”…”I’m Jesus damnit!”…”Of course you are dear.”…follow me? That alone should put an end to this single identity crisis…but…it’s actually more complicated than that…so…let’s continue.



This illusion of losing one’s identity is also a social circles issue…allow me to explain. Sorry…I had to bake a ‘Jacks’ pizza…I was starving…ever eat a ‘Jacks’ pizza? DAMN THEY’RE GOOD! Anyway…yes yes yes…a social circles issue.



Let’s use a fictional family named The Stumps…there’s Mr. Stump…there’s Mrs. Stump and then there’s their child…Little Stump. Now…if the Stump family is visiting with Mr. Stumps family…such as at Thanksgiving or perhaps Christmas…being that Mr. Stump is biologically linked to Grandpa and Grandma Stump of course Mrs. Stump…being not biologically linked…is going to fall down the identity ladder to…’Mr. Stumps wife’. This idea also applies to the social circle of friends Mr. Stump acquired before there was a Mrs. Stump…or…a Little Stump. Understand? We are in Mr. Stumps domain and before I’m labeled sexist…this all becomes reversed if the Stump family is visiting with Mrs. Stumps family…the Wertz. As crazy as they might be…unwrapping one present at a time *scowls*…Mr. Stump would be referred to as ‘Mrs. Stumps husband’…*points to head*…are you understanding this? Well hang on…we’re not finished.



Seems Little Stump got into a fight at school…so…before identities get lost here…Mr. and Mrs. Stump are going to have to understand one all important fact…school is the primary domain of Little Stump…school is his turf…baby! Therefor…when Mrs. Stump…or…Mr. Stump…waddle down to said school for a Parent/Teacher Conference concerning Little Stumps unruly behavior…they in each become…’Little Stumps mother’…or…’Little Stumps father’. So you see…location also plays a part in the illusion of identity.



What have we learned here? What has that Snickers brought into the light? Why…it’s the fact that the idea of an identity is illusion…a figment of your imagination…a matter of perspective…perhaps even a matter of location. How can one have an identity when one is constantly changing…constantly moving? Here in my little bungalow I am King…when I go to work I become a Serf. I’m not the same person I was before this massive understanding of the illusion of identity! Viva La Snickers!



Perhaps we are only what we think we are at any given moment. How can one lose what they do not posses? HEY! Am I here?! By the time you read this…this I…won’t be.

You Be The Judge
05:33 Jan 08 2011
Times Read: 961








Alright...call me insane...but...I think there's something really fishy going on here!

From The Weird
02:40 Jan 08 2011
Times Read: 979








Is it just me…or…does this guy look like Barrack Obama after a decade of Meth use? I suppose it could be another down and out brother he never helped…perhaps BO from an alternate universe or dimension…is it just me…Christ…they could be twins! HEY! Could they be twins? I want to see some birth certificates goddamnit!





If you ask me…the resemblance is spooky!

A Touch of Grey
21:53 Jan 07 2011
Times Read: 996

I was having my morning “Zen” moment in the bathroom…sitting there peacefully…at one with the world…having my morning smoke(s)…*puff puff puff*…minding my own goddamn business.



There I sat as I pondered the day that laid before me…bake another chocolate cake…finish putting back together my little studio…perhaps hot wings (Mild of course…believe me…Grates Silver Top HOT hot wings will burn your mouth right f*cking out!)…deep fried broccoli and cheese and a movie…a good Slasher or Vampire flick…yes yes…perfect.



Hey…look…a thread from my jeans has become entangled in the forest of my nether region…I’ll pick it off…*pick pick pick*…*pick…pick pick*…oh come on…*pick pick pick pick*…it must be a cobweb…*brush brush brush*…*flick…pick brush…flick*…what is going on here…*flick flick flick…brush brush brush…pick pick…pick brush flick…pick brush flick*…I took a drag off my cigarette…*puff*… and concentrated…*pick pick brush flick brush pick pick PICK*…WTF?!



Then slowly…like stalking a hooker…the terrible heinous unfair truth settled around my mind…this isn’t a thread from my jeans…this isn’t a cobweb…O…M…G! This is a Grey hair! A GREY HAIR! WHAT? WHAAAAAAAAT?! I leaned to the side and threw up in the bathtub. OMG! A GREY PUBIC HAIR!? ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?! A GREY HAIR?!?!



Now…a little Grey in my hair and side burns…sure…sure…I had to expect that…and said Grey invading my chest…alright…I concede…that as well was expected…but…no…dear God…no…not there! NOT THERE! OH GOD! DOES ANYTHING SCREAM “GEEZER” LOUDER THAN THAT?! WHAT CAN I DO? HUH?! HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME!



I’ve seen the products for men’s hair and sideburns…alright…ALRIGHT…I might…MIGHT…have used one every once in a while…BUT…I’ve never seen “Just For Pubics”…EVER! I mean…come on…he only has one eye and I don’t want to jeopardize that! If he went blind I might as well just die! Can one use the other products safely?! A GREY HAIR!



OMG! Can I still say…”Honey…just because there’s a little snow on the roof doesn’t mean there’s no fire in the furnace!”? HUH? CAN I?! Oh Jesus Christ!



OMG…I’m going to throw up again…

"Distracted Driving"
21:38 Jan 03 2011
Times Read: 1,025








Well…they did it…they’ve just enacted a law in Michigan entitled…”Distracted Driving”…meaning Johnny Law can pull you over and give you a ticket…that by the way can be up to $200…for what “They” deem applicable. “They” deem…”They” deem…”They” deem…you know…those superior psychologically perfect beyond reproach fair minded never have a bad day and/or biases I’m wearing a uniform super egotistical ham handed absolute power mad patrol persons.



The offenses given in the news and not the only were…women applying lipstick…$200 dollar fine…interacting with a pet…you know…rolling down fiddo’s window…$200 dollar fine…eating and/or drinking a McFood substance…$200 dollar fine. I have to believe with all the tobacco bashing that’s been going on for years now that smoking too will be labeled “Distracted Driving” of course…but…considering the examples given…what else will they deem “Distracted Driving”?



Speaking with another in the vehicle? “I saw you arguing with your wife sir…that’s “Distracted Driving” and that’s a $200 dollar fine.”.



Listening to your vehicles radio? “I saw your head moving to a musical beat sir…that’s “Distracted Driving” and that’s a $200 dollar fine.”.



Reading a billboard?! “I saw your head turn sir as you drove by that billboard…that’s “Distracted Driving” and that’s a $200 dollar fine.”.



I suppose business signs will be new evils…I mean…how many times a week do you look for a business sign? “I saw your head turning side to side as you looked for “Kitten’s Corner” miss…that’s “Distracted Driving” and that’s a $200 fine.”.



“Oh Mr. Tu…not every “Distracted Driving” offense is going to be a $200 dollar fine…they said “up to” a $200 dollar fine!”. Wake…the…fuck…up.



With all the states that are financially going under…Michigan being one of them…do you really see this “Distracted Driving” as something other than a money maker?! Huh? Is the motivating factor behind this…”Law”…really for the purpose of serving the public interest? Saving lives? Are you kidding me?!



Remember when the DUI limit was .18? Remember? A group of medical professionals…psychological professionals and God knows what other professionals determined that a blood alcohol level of under .18 allowed a person to drive a motor vehicle SAFELY. Well…that was just Jim Fine And Dandy…the government had their new cash cow and the public was served as well! BUT WAIT…if we drop that limit to .08…well well well…we have a whole new income! Once it becomes “Law”…you’re fucked! I’m sure it can become .04…or perhaps….02.



I’m not even going to go into the “Seatbelt Law”…I’ll have a stroke.



“Distracted Driving”…considering the imperfection of the human animal…considering the human mind is not a perfect working piece of software…there is only one place this all can go…at some point in the future…it will become illegal to drive a motor vehicle. Where else can it go?



What’s next? “Under IQ Driving”? “Menstrual Driving”? “Menopause Driving”? “Midlife Crisis Driving”? “Divorced Driving”? “Bad Day At Work Driving”? “My Boss Sucks Sucks Sucks Driving”?



When I first typed those…I thought they were funny…then…I read them again while comparing them to “Distracted Driving”…I stopped laughing.



We are letting them take away our freedom.